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| Image © David Lowe, 1994 |
When I started this blog, I worried about the impact that denial would have on people being willing to share it with others. I say this because, when I was struggling with my eating disorder, the likelihood of me following a site like this and sharing it with other people would have been slim to none. I knew I had been diagnosed with an eating disorder, I knew everyone was telling me it was unhealthy and I should stop, but I was in such a deep state of denial that none of that mattered. To me, I wasn’t nearly as “sick” as some other people, so my eating disorder must not be as bad. Denial is a dangerous state of mind. Regardless of what you are denying, you are either consciously or subconsciously pretending that something does not exist or is not a problem rather than confronting and dealing with it.
Maybe you are denying the fact that you have a problem at all:
Just because I’ve starved my body this past week doesn’t mean I have an eating disorder. I just needed to lose weight really fast.
Just because I drink every time I fight with my wife doesn’t mean I am an alcoholic. If she didn’t drive me so crazy, I wouldn’t feel the need to escape.
Maybe you are denying the extent of your problem:
Yeah, I know I shouldn’t be starving my body, but I’m not at skinny as some people with anorexia, so it’s not that bad.
I know I get plastered every night to get away from reality, but I still get up, get to work on time, and am successful in my job, so it’s not a big deal.
Or maybe you are denying that your friend or loved one has a problem:
Yeah, I’ve noticed Sally has lost a ton of weight and never has an appetite, but she’s just stressed about school.
John just likes to go out and have a good time, he’s a good guy.
Denial, denial, denial. Why are we so afraid to admit that we have flaws and aren’t perfect? Why are we so afraid to recognize the red flags in our loved ones’ behavior? Why are we so afraid to ask for help or suggest it to our friends and family members? Stop being afraid! Can you honestly think of a time when denying the truth has ended favorably? Denial only perpetuates the hell you or your loved ones are facing. It only serves to further the pain that has left you feeling broken, and the longer you deny the existence of the problem, the harder it will be to confront it and do something to change it.
Imagine your life (or the life of your loved one) as a balloon. The problem (whether it be an eating disorder, an addiction, depression, anxiety, etc.) inflates the balloon. If you confront it early enough, it’s easier to deflate the air and keep the balloon intact. However, if you ignore the red flags and deny the problem, that balloon will continue to inflate until it bursts. At this point, you are left picking up the pieces and attempting to put them back together (if you can find them all). It has now become much more difficult to identify the problem and begin the healing process.
It is OKAY to ask for help. It is OKAY to tell your loved ones you are worried about them. It is OKAY to admit you aren’t perfect, that you might have a problem, and that you are WORTH the effort it will take to heal and get better. Make today the day you stop being in denial. Make today the day you confront the problem and make the decision to reclaim your happiness. Make today the day you approach your loved one and ask if they need some help. Why wait?
I’d love to hear your thoughts on the subject. You can always comment anonymously.
_Quixotic_
As always, if you like what you see or think someone else might, please share it! Thanks :)
